The Abundance of Idiocy

...and various other tales!

1- Why do very small cars drive around with all their lights? low beams and fog lights included? You only need the fog lights when it's foggy. Dumb asses. I'm also seeing big cars driving with just their fog lamps. It must be perceived by cool by those with IQ's of under 10. Or those who are overdrawn in that department. Yesterday they just baked the cake, and some guy was desert driving with just his fog lamps.. needless to say, he could barely see!

2- Why are the authorities fixated with banning speeding? When you really need to ban people who change lanes suddenly and those who do not observe lane discipline. Actually I noticed that all drivers almost have their own lane. The FJ Cruiser number 6669 from Al Ain drives at the fast lane always. The Corolla number 84204 Shj2 drives with his fog lights at the 2nd lane. The Emirates Bus dude with 31 people drives on the 3rd lane, the heavy laden truck going to Gusais drives on the 2nd lane too, but does just 60kmh. You can see this poses problems when you're doing Emirates Road speeds! Still, the authorities will penalise speeding rather than incorrect lane discipline. Dumb.

3- If your empty plot of land is surrounded by pavements and is made of 100% pure UAE silicon, and you park on it, then the RTA will automatically slap you with a fine for "parking on the pavement". But you cannot slap them with trespassing.

4- If you're Indian then you do not look before you cross the street, but you cross quickly. If you're Arab then you also do not look, but you pass much more slowly, especially in the face of oncoming traffic. Must be all that obesity and mental retardation...

5- In the UAE indicators are used to confirm a lane change. In other countries they are used to indicate before a change. We'd like to see more Indicators used and less Confirmators.

6- to be continued...

Calling all cops

First of all let me congratulate Dubai Police on their excellent results at the Dubai Government Excellence Awards 2010.



If you remember, it wasn't long ago since I last ranted about driving in the UAE and specifically Dubai. Specifically from Sept 2009:

http://bujassem.blogspot.com/2009/09/loony-lanes-driving-post.html

This is when I listed the top 20 things that the stupid/crazy UAE drivers tend to do when behind the wheel of a car.

More recently, from Jan 2010 I wrote this post:

http://bujassem.blogspot.com/2010/01/lane-dis-cipline.html

The topic is pretty straight-forward, it's all about lane-discipline.

So after more than a year since my return to Dubai, I'm still suffering from the f***ing idiots on our roads. They come in all shapes and sizes (fat and thin) and (Nissan Armadas to Nissan Sunnies), as well as slow and fast, left and right lanes, up or down a bridge, and driving pretty much in anyway they like.

We unfortunately had an assasination here in Dubai of a Hamas leader, not the most peaceful group, but since when has Dubai become the playground of thugs so openly? Our Police really does an amazing job going after the killers and of course liaising with Interpol etc..



They also do an amazing job keeping us safe in our homes, streets (pedestrian only), offices and airports.. Seriously, I have no criticisms on that front, and can safely say that Dubai probably is one of the safest cities in the world.

Now, my issue is this: The police spends a lot of time, effort and money to do the all the right things but with the wrong priority. Ok, it's great that we're going to go and put the Mossad chief in prison, and to liberate Palestine, and so on, but why not do all that after you've improved the situation on the road.

Sorry, but by giving stupid black points and rediculously expensive fines to motorists left right and centre you are not improving the situation and that cannot be considered good Police work. I'm sorry, but it just is not the case.

Both my parents have got black points on their licenses and they are probably one of the safest drivers that I know. All of this happened in 2010. Their driving attitudes and styles did not increase this year, nor have they had any accidents since they been both driving that was their fault. Dad had an accident where his car was totalled but that was more than 15 years ago by a guy with an Omani car and no license or insurance. So why is the Police penalising people that are at no risk to the public?

As a younger male driver, I am statistically more dangerous, and yet I have less black points than either parent! My felony was to use the 4x4 capabilites of my car and to drive in the sand to avoid the congestion due to a traffic accident ahead, probably caused by bad lane-discipline.

So the issue is this, from the zillions of Dirhams made from fines, why doesn't the Police spend some money to work on lane-discipline? I believe if we observe the right lane discipline we will benifit with:

1- Better safety. If you are slow, stay right, and if you're overtaking then go left. Never leave the lane to your right empty, and if it is then move into it. If everyone knows exactly which lane he/she should be in, then it's only normal for accidents to be reduced.

2- Higher road capacity. When you look at motorways in a civilised driving country like the UK, you'll notice the slow lane has the most wear and tear to it, because it's got the most traffic on it (including trucks). However, here the most utilised lane is the 2nd lane from the fastest, because everyone seems to think it's their lane. If you're a complete idiot, then you'd "park" in the fastest lane and not care about people behind you. This leads to huge inefficiency in the utilisation of the road. My humble estimate is that if we observe proper lane discipline then we can easly increase the road capacity by 30-40% without any changes to the road (thus no cost). All this by changing our driving attitute.

3- Predictability of driving leads to less road rage. Less road rage means less accidents and of course less speeding. But wait a minute, less speeding is bad if you get more than 600 million dirhams annually from fines (zawya) which is approx 15% of the Police's annual budget, and an even higher percentage of its undesclosed revenues.

I can go on and on, but we cannot continue to drive to be an international city with open borders and expect people to want to live here if we cannot get simple things right. Dubai has an amazing will to succeed and can do anything if it puts its mind into things. Who would have thought Dubai can build 3 terminals in less time it takes London to build one (T5 Heathrow = 19 years, wiki)?? Dubai famously built extensively into the sea and built the tallest building in the world. Given the current economic climate, it seems that's a title that Burj Khalifa (formerly Burj Dubai) will have for a long time to come. Dubai also designed and built a world-class metro system in under 5 years. Other countries take 10-15 years for FAST projects.

Why can't we get our brains together to fix the situation on our roads. After all I believe Dubai's roads are probably the best in the Gulf and the Arab World even, and more fun to drive in that the roads I been on in England for sure, but not Wales!

So please Dubai Police, please, please, do something about lane-discipline!

Lane Dis-cipline

The subject here is obvious. It's the lack of lane discipline in this country, the UAE. We have amazing roads, really world-class, but completely shite drivers. When you have more than one lane, you need to observe lane discipline. I'm not going to explain or define what that is, because most people should know it (if you have a driving license) and because the name is self-explanatory.



We have two kinds of morons on our roads. First is the type that use the 2nd fastest lane (they usually have light trucks or mini-busses, painted white) and they drive 40% slower than people on either side of them. This is very unsafe since it creates an island, and drivers have to overtake from either side. Obviously under-taking is illegal, but when the road is busy, many drivers do it. Sometimes you have no choice. My friend was once penalised (fine + points) for undertaking in the UAE because the car in front of him in the fastest lane would not move. Seriously, Police, you should fine the people who do not understand the concept of land discipline. We need to educate people, starting with the Police. You cannot apply a rule without understanding it first, no?

Anyway, back to the first type of morons. What happens when you have an island of traffic in the middle of the road is that it just confuses everyone and is a huge hazard. The Police recently published some publicity about honouring drivers who have not had a single penalty in the last 50 years. Have you seen the roads in the 1980s and before? Not a single radar. Not a single traffic jam. No wonder, there are no fines. Then these folk are probably too old to drive now and yet have a driving license (there is no maximum age law in the UAE), and most do not pass driving/eyesight tests to drive. Anyway, I criticise the Police, they need to look at all aspects of driving and not just focus on speeding or the use of a seatbelt. Oh yeah, the demographic of this first group of morons are the ever-popular Indian Subcon people, as demonstrated in the picture above taken from India (image credit: Picasa)

The second type of Moron is he who drives in the fastest lane and yet is the slowest driver. I won't waste much time on this, because it's obvious how dangerous that is. Sadly, as mentioned above, the Police do not penalise them and penalise those who overtake from the wrong side (undertaking) to move forward. These people usually become non-responsive if you use your high-beam to indicate your need to overtake, or your horn. They usually have stickers written in Arabic on the back of the car, and they are usually Emarati with a driving IQ between that of a goat and a 13-year old dog.


(image credit: here)

Note that we have minimum speed laws on the motorways here, but no one is aware of them, especially the Police. If they are reading (doubt many of their types can read English), then please note and take action. We're a laughing stock to the world, we have the best roads and the worst drivers and a lack of smart policing.

Loony Lanes - A Driving Post

Having spent a really f***ed up evening on the road yesterday I am in a enough of a bad mood to share with you some things I hate about the driving animals we see on our UAE roads. I will try to be descriptive yet brief and to the point. If you see such behaviour please try to eliminate it at source and if you drive like that then be warned, because your days are numbered.



The wrong driving habits are (ordered by annoyance factor):


1- Taking the fast lane and driving at 40 km/h lower than the speed limit or at 58 km/h whatever is the lowest. Usually committed by white Nissan Sunny's or people with UAQ or Ajman number plates. Note species shown in picture contains a Shj marking, which are also known to exhibit the above behaviour occasionally but at a lower frequency than their cousins from the North.


2- The minivans and other idiots driving in the 2nd fast lane (that's the 2nd lane from the left of the road) at a very low speed when the other lanes to their right are empty. Thus creating a dangerous hazard, and opens the door to overtaking from the wrong side.


3- Idiots who overtake without realising that they don't have the power to actually overtake and thus block two or more lanes until they realise their impotence. Usually crowded buses or minivans and occasionally trucks even. No one cares about the ban on trucks on main roads eh? This is usually the case when two idiots from (2) above find each other on the same lane and the idiot behind tries to overtake the idiot in the front.



4- Empty trucks driving at 120+ km/h on the right most lanes on Emirates Road.

5- Minivans driving fast around bends and in general without due regard to anyone, including themselves.


6- Idiots who keep flashing you from behind even when the road is full in front of you. These are safely labeled with AD numberplates for easy identification and avoidance. They will usually be covered with very dark tinted windows because they are too ugly to be shown to the world or because they are too cowardly to show their faces. They will not hesitate to use the hard shoulder on the left to overtake. They think that radar flashes are actually flickering lightbulbs for smaller cars.


7- Cars that pull up from a slip road on the right straight into the faster lanes at slow speed like a fat useless duck instead of using the slip lane to accelerate. Usually old-style gold-coloured Nissan Sunnies or overcrowded Corollas from Ajman with the windows down (no a/c) and faded tinting. This form of species is also known to migrate from Al-Ain where slip roads do not exist or are not used.

8- When the animal in (6) above approach a lesser animal from behind, and that animal then turns to the right almost crashing into you because they can only check one thing at a time. Thus means you need to check from AD species when you're in two or more lanes.


9- Fast cars that zig-zag to maintain a high speed. These are usually old Ford Mustangs or Honda Civics that have been lowered and have punched holes in their exhausts. They tend to be young men from Satwa and Jaafliya in Dubai with questionable origins. They are known to misjudge their moves every now and then, and this is manifest in the trashed cars you see on the sides of roads with the description above. They will also have stickers on their cars describing them as animals (e.g. a bulldog sticker, or a sticker saying that he's a Rebel or a street dog or something).


10- Cars that jump queues to take an exit on the right. Police, hello, what are you doing? Close youtube and please sort out our roads. Mind you Shj Police is good in cracking down on this, and I respect them for that. (Image credit: dubaithoughts.blogspot.com)

11- Sharjah plated cars in general. The thing is most Shj drivers actually have Dxb numbers, so those left with the former are quite the species and should be protected from leaving their natural habitat which is infested and abundant with roundabouts.

12- Idiots who drive with their fog lights on during the clear nights. The cars are usually Mercedes c-class coupes or generally Mercedes sedans. The fog light setting on the merc works like this: pull once and you fire up the front fog lamps, and pull again and you'll fire the rear fog lamp that's usually on the right side only. This makes you look stupid and not cool. It makes your rear lights look like one is blown out.

13- This extends to the species in (12) above. It is not cool to drive with just your front fog lights instead of your headlamps. The species with this feature are usually of the Nissanus Patrolus variety with dodgy writing in Arabic at the back supporting a football club of sorts. Since when do animals support football? Fortunately most Nissanus cars do not have rear fog-lamps, and the species in this entry cannot usually afford Mercs. Unfortunately a lot of those species are native of Dubai areas such as Rashidiya or Nad Al Shamma and should never be disturbed because they have nothing to lose. Fortunately they can be identified from a distance. The worst variety by far are those with white cars and black tinted windows with the writing (لا إلاه إلا الله) on the back. Avoid them at all costs. They remind me of what you should say when you die. I believe they are the Arab Kamakazis should that be the last thing you read before you yourself perish. Avoid.


14- Idiots who drive without seatbelts or who allow their kids to hold the steering wheel or both.

15- Any car with any type of Arabic writing on the back. The writing usually says things like (Remember Allah) or (Sub7an Allah) etc. These are the most dangerous types of animals because they are unpredictable. They are charactarised by thick skins and additional stickers usually covering the rear windshield thus making the mirror useless.


They usually drive very white or very black cars that are Nissan Altimas, Dodge Chargers, Toyota Camry's or the worst is the Nissan Armada (nickname the camel) because no matter what car you have, you'll never be able to see past it's hump. Avoid at all costs.


16- Vehicles that jump red lights. Fortunately their numbers are reducing rapidly because of higher enforcement rates and their low survival rates when involved in side and head-on collisions with other, mostly innocent, animals.


17- Species that block yellow boxes.

18- The setting is Emirates Road or SZR. You're approaching an exit and you're either going straight or taking the exit. You find a hesitating rhino. He cuts sharply to the right to take the exit, then changes its mind and goes right. Sometimes in the wilderness, this happens more than once on one exit resulting in chaos.

The rhino usually then uses its hazard lights (like peacocks use their feathers to tell you they are there, except rhinos are so ugly). The rhino will then attempt to reverse to take the exit. A classic! The picture shows a particularly inventive chap.


19- Species that decide to celebrate an accident ahead, an accident on the left, an accident on the right, an imagined accident or if they have had twins by using the hazard lights.



20- Tailgating. Usually this is observed amongst herds of rams that are used to butting things. They are usually equipped with equally powerful motors to do some serious damage. Unfortunately both sides get hurt in a headbutt!

I think twenty is enough, however surely my dear readers will have much more to add to this. In fact, when look at those twenty again I don't think I can possibly order them in any way because they are all very dangerous and annoying activities. Please assume the numbers are used for reference rather than for rank.

As you probably realise, some species are more suited to driving away from any kind of road systems or even roads. And yet some of them cannot manage to reach their destinations offroad as this video demonstrates:



Buckle up and eliminate the idiots on the roads by securing them in their natural habitats.

(Note: The words: people, drivers, animals, rhinos, and idiots are all used interchangeably.)

A Driving Post

There is nothing fitting to blog about more than a driving post. The last time I wrote I was happily based in the UK where some of the world's most courteous drivers live. However, due to a change of circumstances I am back in the motherland, in Dubai, the mother of all driving disasters put together!

Ok, so yesterday I decide to have a morning coffee with a friend in bur dubai.. just 20 min away, should be less given it was early and a holiday. So I take my car out of our small street and into our main street in the neighborhood and as I turn the blind corner I find our idiot neighbor has parked his mammoth suburban truck on the corner! I almost ploughed into him! Thank God the traffic was light and I could swerve into the other lane.

I breathe easier then, and as I approach the next bend on the main road the most stupid looking cow in the world cuts in front of me (she has a give way sign) even though I was doing the speed limit of 80 kmh. So without getting angry I move left. Then she moves left even though her lane is free. She was doing 50. I lose my temper (and unleash the horn). I don't understand why people can only drive in the fast lane here?! what a complete donkey of a woman driver.

The above two incidents happened within 2 min of each other. Still in my neighborhood!

The best was saved for last. As I approached from behind Rashid Hospital to hit Oud Meitha road, I encountered my first bit of serious traffic, a sea of light yellow. These cabs in front of me were queuing to get into the nearby church to pick up the faithful. The way they parked (on the main st) meant that we couldn't come out from the side street. In civilised places, the cars would leave a small gaps so cars can filter through, but no Sir, not here. Taxi-driving idiots! I waited for about 10 min without really moving. There were less than 10 cars between me and the street ahead. At the end I was so furious I mounted the pavement just to get to the main street. Even then the moron taxi drivers didn't move or realise what they are done.

Honestly, one day a lot of people will die here because of driver stupidity. I hope I don't witness this anytime soon.

Safe driving all.